Sunday, January 29, 2012

Anatomy of a Haiku

Haiku Monday this week is hosted by none other than the world renown puppy rescue queen, Boxer. Her theme is RAIN. Please join the fun by peekin' at her site to see what all the other bloggers have written.





Y'all, the inspiration for this heah Haiku is drawn from memories of a long pilgrimage in Spain, when oppressive heat sucked air from yore lungs--an' then, RAIN! How fragrant, how sweetly cooling on the tongue. We turned our blistered faces to the skies an' drank that rain!


Twelve summers have passed
since we caught rain in our mouths,
hiking across Spain.


............ it has
seasonal reference. Twelve summers passed is a long "dry spell." It's playful--could be we were kids playing in the rain, but the summation finishes with grown-up hikers deliriously happy, catching rain on a searing trek across the plain of Spain.


or




A lifetime has gone
since we drank rain--when it came--
Hiking across Spain.


..........."lifetime" weaves in a philosophical mood, a homesickness for a season gone forever, a month when we took life as it came, a gift, uncomplicated....but, "Rain," "came," "Spain" --Too much?


or






Twelve summers ago
we licked blessed rain, hiking
Green Galicia.

...
seasonal reference, the rain as benediction, an' the rain-greened province of Galicia. I wonder, will most readers know that Galicia is in Spain? Reckon it matters none? No true kireji, but Boxer said only criteria wuz 5-7-5 format.


grrrrrr! I doan know which to use.

( now y'all, doan git yoreself excited---none of these photos is of anybody I know.)

5 comments:

moi said...

Nice! The first one is my favorite. I like your choice of "we" rather than I. The implication of companions, but how many (one, several, a big group?) expands it out from the personal. The nostalgic aspect, too, and the fact that those who live in arid climates literally rejoice when it rains.

Happy Haiku Monday and good luck!

Boxer said...

I like the first and second one. "A lifetime has gone" evokes a feeling of time passing and missing the event/trip.

I really love your first visual. Big joy in the photo.

Thank you for you participating this week Aunty!

foam said...

I love them all! It would be a hard choice to pick ine to submit. Perhaps I'd pick the 2nd one.

fishy said...

Number one is the one!
(Like you, I can never decide which one to submit for judging)
Ya reckon the judge will have a time deciding as well?

serendipitouswildmoments said...

Hi.

Haiku Monday theme is up at http://serendipitouswildmoments.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/haiku-monday/

Come play.

Serendipity